KinkFactor Dictionary

Any sustained effort to modify someone’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression, based on the false premise that these are "disorders" and should be changed. Recommended to keep the term in quotes.

The universal code for being cannabis-friendly. If you see this on a profile, it means they're probably down to burn one before, during, or after. It's less about being a full-blown stoner and more about setting a vibe.

The classic yin-yang of oral pleasure. It’s the act of giving and receiving a BJ at the same time, a delicate balancing act of mutual satisfaction. Sounds great in theory, but in practice, it’s often a logistical nightmare of clashing heads and losing focus.

Scenes involving emotional distance, neglect, or isolation. Psychologically intense; needs strong aftercare.

Roleplay scenario where one partner pretends to be kidnapped or forcibly taken, exploring fear, control, and helplessness in a consensual setting.

Involves controlled scratching, scraping, or rough contact with skin to provoke sensation. Often paired with sensation play or pain play.

Describes a sexuality that is fluid and changes over time. One week you might be a lesbian, the next you might be asexual, the next pansexual.

Short for asexual. An identity for someone who feels little to no sexual attraction. It's a whole spectrum, not just a switch that's flipped 'off'. In a world obsessed with who's doing what, being Ace is a valid and often misunderstood orientation.

An orientation where your position on the asexual spectrum fluctuates. Some days you might feel completely asexual, other days more demisexual or graysexual.

AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power. Not just some historical footnote; these are the activists who literally fought for their lives during the AIDS crisis. Their confrontational tactics and "Silence = Death" slogan changed the game for HIV treatment and queer rights.

Someone who roleplays as an infant within age play. It may involve bottles, cribs, or nurturing scenes.

A subset of asexuality where a person can enjoy the idea of sex, consuming erotic content, or having fantasies, but feels a total disconnect from being a participant themselves.

A clinical, yet necessary, term to describe the sex you were labeled with when you were born. It's a crucial piece of language in trans and Non-Binary conversations, separating the doctor's first guess from who you actually are.

The vital "cool-down" period after intense sex or a BDSM scene. It's about checking in, cuddling, talking, and ensuring all partners feel safe and cared for. It is non-negotiable.

Roleplay involving different age dynamics, such as caregiver/little or teacher/student. Often includes behavioral or dress elements.

Ageplayers slip into roles younger or older than themselves, exploring safety, play, or authority in symbolic ways.

Ageplayers slip into roles younger or older than themselves, exploring safety, play, or authority in symbolic ways.

Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. This is what happens when HIV goes untreated and wrecks your immune system. Thanks to decades of activism (ACT-UP) and medical science, it's no longer the death sentence it was in the 80s and 90s.

Also Known As. In the digital wilderness of dating apps, this is your cue that someone's got an alter ego. Maybe it's their drag name, their online handle, or the name they use when they're not dodging their ex.

A leader role often borrowed from pop-culture hierarchies. The confident top of the social or power-dynamic ladder.

The counterpart to AFAB, this is the label slapped on you at birth based on your genitals. For trans women, Non-Binary folks, and anyone who doesn't fit neatly into the 'man' box, it's the starting point they've had to navigate away from.

A form of chastity or "denial" play. It involves a device, often a metal plug or "belt," that is locked in place to prevent any anal insertion. It's a psychological tool for control.

Involves inserting an entire hand into the anus with deep trust and preparation. Associated with extreme sensation and endurance.

A type of BDSM toy, typically made of metal, shaped like a hook. It is inserted anally and can be used for sensation, stretching, or as an attachment point for rope or chains.

The act of inserting a penis, strap-on, or dildo into a partner's anus. Because this involves sensitive tissue, it requires enthusiastic consent, relaxation, and the use of lubricant to be safe and pleasurable.

The practice of using gradually larger, body-safe toys (like a set of butt plugs or dilators) to train the anal sphincter to relax and "stretch." This is done to accommodate larger toys, a fist, or for comfort.

Any body-safe toy designed for anal play. This includes butt plugs (for short or long-term wear), anal beads, and dildos. Must have a flared base to prevent loss.

Progressive use of toys or practices to increase anal comfort or openness. Can be erotic, meditative, or symbolic.

Describes attraction to men, masculinity, or male anatomy, regardless of whether the person you're attracted to identifies as a man.

Participants act as animals (e.g. puppy, pony, cat), often using gear like masks, tails, or paws. Centers on altered behavior and communication.

Obedience and behavior modeling based on animal metaphors — often used in pet or pup play.

A sexual encounter where partners do not exchange names or identifying information. This is common in bathhouses, backrooms, or at glory holes. Consent is often non-verbal.

A piece of bondage gear, often made of leather, that straps the wearer's arms together behind their back, forcing an "elbows-touching" posture. It's a form of advanced postural bondage.

A fetish focused on the armpits, which may include kissing, licking, or an appreciation of natural scent. This requires open discussion about personal preferences and hygiene.

Licking, sniffing, or admiring pits. Mixes scent, masculinity, and vulnerability.

A fetish focused on the armpits, which may include kissing, licking, or an appreciation of natural scent. This requires open discussion about personal preferences and hygiene.

As Soon As Possible. The universal signal for urgency, especially on hookup apps. When someone says they're looking ASAP, they mean they want you in their bed, like, yesterday. No time for small talk, just get to the point.

Someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone. It is a spectrum (Ace-spec) that includes identities like demisexual and graysexual.

Age, Sex, Location. The holy trinity of old-school internet cruising. Before Grindr profiles laid it all out, you had to ask. It’s the quick and dirty way to figure out if you're talking to a 22-year-old Twink or a 55-year-old Daddy.

An umbrella term for any activity focused on the anus or buttocks. This includes rimming (oral), anal sex (penetration), prostate play, spanking, or using anal toys.

A sexual act, common in pornography, where a penis or toy is pulled from an anus and put directly into a partner's mouth. This is an advanced fetish.

Focus on admiration and attention to the buttocks — includes kissing, licking, spanking, or verbal praise.

Voluntary shift of decision-making from one person to another. Foundational to many D/s relationships.

Covers when children born to same-sex couples are recognised legally from birth as the children of both parents, without extra barriers or procedures.

You are your own primary object of affection and sexual desire. It's more than just enjoying masturbation; it's a genuine preference for oneself over other partners.

Bondage and Discipline. A slice of the BDSM pie that focuses on restraint and rules. It's a milder entry point for many, more about the psychological thrill of control and surrender than intense pain.

A niche crossover between the furry and AB/DL communities, involving roleplay as anthropomorphic baby animals.

Striking, squeezing, or tormenting testicles — extreme form of pain play and submission.

A common type of gag consisting of a rubber or silicone ball, held in place by a strap. It forcibly keeps the mouth open and prevents clear speech. It is a tool for speech restriction and humiliation.

A form of CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) that involves consensual impact (kicking, slapping, punching) to the testicles. It is a high-pain, high-sensation, high-trust activity.

A practice, often done over long periods, of using "ball stretchers" (metal or leather rings) to gradually lengthen the scrotum. This is a form of light CBT and a body modification goal for some.

Intentional stimulation or pain applied to the testicles. Can include squeezing, impact, weight, or bondage.

A component of foot fetish, this is a specific attraction to the sight or feel of bare feet, as opposed to feet in socks or shoes.

Also known as "foot caning." A form of corporal punishment where the soles of the feet are struck, typically with a cane. The feet are extremely sensitive and this is a high-pain activity.

Bareback. Sex without a condom. It's a high-stakes game that carries significant risk for STIs like HIV. For some, it's about intimacy; for others, it's a fetish. Whatever the reason, if you're playing this game, you better be on PrEP and getting tested regularly.

Big Black Cock. A term that's both a descriptor and a heavily loaded fetish category in porn and online. It often comes with a whole suite of racial stereotypes and expectations.

The big, scary-sounding acronym that’s really just a catch-all for a whole universe of kink. It stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. A consensual negotiation of power, pain, and pleasure.

Rugged, confident men who embrace size, body hair, and warmth. Bears embody relaxed masculinity and a grounded sensuality.

Psychological tool where one partner must plead or request something. Evokes vulnerability and control.

A supportive and steady second-in-command. Loyal, balanced, and strong without needing the spotlight.

Bisexual. Attracted to more than one gender. No, they're not just 'confused' or 'greedy'. Bisexuality is a valid identity that often gets erased or misunderstood by both straight and gay communities.

For someone, usually identifying as straight, who is curious about dipping a toe into the queer dating or sex pool. It can be a genuine step in a journey of self-discovery or an experimental phase.

Fear, unreasonable anger, intolerance, and/or hatred toward bisexuality and bisexual people.

A person who is emotionally and/or sexually attracted to persons of more than one gender.

Attraction to more than one gender. Historically defined as attraction to both men and women, it's a core identity on the multisexual spectrum.

A form of "primal" or sensation play. This can range from gentle, affectionate nibbles (like kissing) to hard, painful bites that may leave marks.

Blow Job. The cornerstone of non-procreative sex. If you don't know what this is, you've probably stumbled into the wrong corner of the internet. It's an art form, a casual greeting, and sometimes a full meal.

Wrapping someone in thick blankets as a form of soft enclosure — comforting or trapping.

Use of visual deprivation to heighten other senses. Often a gateway into deeper kink play.

Black Lives Matter. More than just a hashtag, it’s a global movement demanding justice and fighting systemic racism. In the queer community, it’s a non-negotiable pillar of Intersectionality.

A broad term for any deliberate alteration of the body. In a kink context, this can include tattoos, piercings, or "slave tattoos" that are part of a D/s dynamic.

Focused admiration of a body part (feet, chest, butt). Often includes rituals, praise, or submissive gestures.

Writing on skin with markers or lipstick. Often paired with humiliation or ownership scenes.

Any form of consensual restraint. This can range from light play with silk ties to heavy restraint with leather cuffs and chains. It's a tool for exploring trust, helplessness, and sensation.

A form of bondage (usually rope) where the primary focus is aesthetic. The goal is to create a beautiful, intricate visual, often for photography or performance, rather than just for restraint.

A type of fetish tape, often made of vinyl, that does not have a sticky adhesive. It is designed to stick only to itself, making it a safe way to create restraints without damaging skin or hair.

A reclaimed, informal term for someone who polishes or worships boots as a service act within leather culture.

Submissive gesture involving licking a dominant’s boots or shoes. Symbol of status and obedience.

Adoring, licking, or servicing boots — linked to dominance, uniform play, and objectification.

A service-oriented role focused on cleaning and shining boots—part ritual, part erotic devotion.

Cleaning, caring, and polishing leather boots. Acts as devotion and tradition.

The receiving partner in a sexual scene. They take sensation, often surrendering control or simply enjoying the experience.

Boys play with regression and devotion—finding safety in rules and affection.

Boys play with regression and devotion—finding safety in rules and affection.

Focusing kink around specific brands, logos, or gear types — rooted in desire, identity, or aesthetic.

An extreme form of "marks" play that involves creating a permanent scar, either through heat (strike branding) or extreme cold (freeze branding). This is a permanent body modification.

Brats challenge to connect. Their pushback invites structure, attention, and playful correction.

Brats challenge to connect. Their pushback invites structure, attention, and playful correction.

A submissive who finds pleasure in "bratting"—playfully defying a Dominant's rules to invite a reaction, chase, or disciplinary scene. It's a form of playful antagonism.

Brat Tamers channel resistance into play. They correct with patience, not punishment.

Brat Tamers channel resistance into play. They correct with patience, not punishment.

Submissive behavior involving teasing, disobedience, or playful challenge to a dominant. Needs compatible dynamic.

Limiting oxygen via hands, masks, or devices. High-risk edge play requiring deep trust and safety protocols.

A form of sensation play involving the consensual restriction of oxygen, often through light choking, smothering, or masks. This can create a unique psychological state and intensify orgasm.

A common fetish or fantasy centered on the idea of impregnation. In gay male kink, this is a psychological fantasy (as impregnation is not possible) and is often linked to the act of "creampies" (bareback ejaculation).

Bottom. The partner who takes the receiving role in anal sex. It's not about being weak or passive; a Power Bottom can run the whole show from below. It's just a sexual position, not a personality type.

A sexual act, originating from Japanese pornography, where several partners (usually men) take turns ejaculating onto a single person, often on their face.

A type of single-tail whip, typically heavy and long. While often just cracked for the sound and psychological effect, it is a difficult and high-risk impact toy if used on the body.

A term from lesbian culture for a person (usually a woman or non-binary person) who presents with a masculine identity or expression. It is a core part of lesbian and queer identity and history.

Placing a person in a confined space (e.g., cage or box). Often symbolic of control or objectification.

Combines wax play and immobilization — involves strategic placement of wax or candles to restrict motion.

Dripping hot wax for controlled pain — color, temperature, and placement matter.

Impact play using rigid rods. Often part of structured discipline or corporal punishment scenes.

A nurturing Dominant who provides comfort, guidance, and structure for their submissive. Common in age play or gentle power dynamics.

A medical device (a tube) inserted up the urethra into the bladder. In kink, this is an advanced form of medical play or "sounding." It is extremely high-risk.

Cock and Ball Torture. A corner of the BDSM world where the family jewels are the main event. This practice plays with the intense vulnerability and pleasure connected to the genitals. Consent and a Safe Word are non-negotiable.

Cock and Ball Torture (CBT) is consensual play focused on the genitals. This can range from light slapping or squeezing ("ballbusting") to more advanced impact. It is a high-sensation, high-trust activity.

Cock and Ball Torture. A broad category of play involving consensual pain or sensation on the penis and testicles. This can include squeezing, slapping, clamps, weights, or electro-play.

Cock Cage. A Chastity Device used in BDSM to lock up a penis. It's a tool for orgasm denial, control, and teasing, often worn for extended periods. The keyholder (usually the Dom) has all the power.

Cross-Dresser. Someone who wears clothing typically associated with a different gender. This is about gender expression, not identity or sexuality. It's a form of personal expression, not necessarily a performance like Drag.

Chem Friendly. The wink in a profile that says they're open to mixing sex with drugs (Chemsex). It’s the modern equivalent of asking if someone 'parties'. Requires serious attention to Harm Reduction.

Metal chains are a common BDSM tool. They can be used as heavy-duty restraints (bondage), dragged across the skin (sensation/temperature play), or rattled for a psychological "fear" effect.

Men who admire and desire bigger or hairier partners, often part of bear and chub scenes. The key is respect, not fetish.

Use of a device (e.g. cage, belt) to prevent genital stimulation or orgasm. Can involve control, denial, and long-term power dynamics.

The practice of locking a partner's genitals in a "chastity device" or "cage." The key is held by the Dominant partner, making it a powerful tool for orgasm control, denial, and psychological power.

Preventing access to genitals with physical devices or rules — builds psychological tension.

Large-bodied men who radiate sensual confidence and comfort. Chubs celebrate abundance, warmth, and touch.

A fetish centered on the act of smoking (cigars, cigarettes) or the smoker themselves. This can involve psychological "human ashtray" play or be a simple visual attraction.

Cisgender. The term for people whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. Basically, not transgender. It's a necessary piece of vocabulary for talking about gender.

A person whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth; i.e., not trans.

See Registered partnership. In some jurisdictions used as a synonym for civil/registered partnership with varying rights.

A common kink toy used for sensation play. Clamps restrict blood flow and create a "pinch" that many find pleasurable. Nipple clamps are most common, but they are used all over the body.

Enforced hygiene standards — from inspection to ritual washing or shaving.

Common plastic wrap (like Saran wrap) used for mummification. It's wrapped tightly around the body, providing restraint and a unique, warm sensation. It's often used to enhance other sensations.

A household item often used as a simple, low-cost clamp for nipples, balls, or other body parts. The spring provides a pinching sensation. They are a common entry-level toy.

A specific type of BDSM clamp, often used for nipples, balls, or lips. They are known for their "pinching" sensation and the fact that they get *tighter* if the person pulls away, making them a psychological toy as well.

Erotic roleplay where one party pretends to resist — requires deep trust, pre-negotiation, and aftercare.

Rings placed around the base of the penis (and sometimes testicles) to restrict blood flow, enhancing erection and endurance.

A form of light CBT or "genital torture." It involves repeatedly slapping the penis and/or testicles, either with a hand or a light impact toy, to create a stinging, pleasurable sensation.

In some European countries/regions, two persons living together can formalise certain practical matters. Rights vary and are generally limited compared to marriage/registered partnership.

Using metal, glass, or stone items — enhances physical contrast and sensory play.

Symbolic and/or physical representation of ownership or connection. Can be casual, play-based, or permanent.

A collar is a powerful symbol of a BDSM dynamic, signifying trust, commitment, or "ownership." A leash is often used with it in pet play or scenes involving control.

The process of revealing one’s identity as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, or intersex.

A form of bondage where a partner is consensually confined in a small space, such as a BDSM "cage" (different from a "chastity cage"), box, or confined area. It plays on themes of helplessness and objectification.

Fantasy involving 'leverage' over a submissive — photos, secrets, or social exposure.

An advanced form of play where "no" means "yes." Both partners negotiate clear boundaries and a safeword beforehand, then play out a scene (like abduction or "forced" intimacy) where one partner verbally resists.

Formal agreements for BDSM scenes or relationships — signed, ceremonial, or playful.

A BDSM term for disciplinary impact play. It refers to any consensual act of "punishing" the body, such as spanking, caning, or paddling, usually for breaking a "rule" within a scene.

The practice of wearing a corset (a stiff garment) to cinch the waist. This can be for fetish fashion, postural play, or long-term "waist training." It can also restrict breathing, which some find arousing.

Couple. Two people in a relationship, often looking for a third. On an app, this signals you're not just messaging one person. Be prepared for a group chat and potentially navigating the complex dynamics of a Throuple or group play.

An artisan who creates BDSM gear—floggers, collars, rope. Their craftsmanship fuels the scene.

A term for ejaculating inside a partner's anus, without withdrawing. This is a common fetish but carries the *highest* risk for STI transmission.

Wearing clothing typically associated with another gender. Can be playful, erotic, or identity-affirming.

Using weight, pressure, or size as part of arousal. May include trampling or body dominance.

Younger, playful versions of bears—soft, affectionate, and proudly fuzzy.

A softer take on the cuckold dynamic—less humiliation, more devotion and pleasure in witnessing a partner’s pleasure.

A person aroused by their partner’s sexual activity with others. It can involve humiliation, compersion, or both.

A psychological fetish and relationship dynamic. A "cuckold" partner derives arousal (which can be a mix of humiliation and "compersion"—joy at their partner's pleasure) from their partner having sex with another person.

One partner watches or is aware while another has sex with someone else. Involves control and power themes.

Erotic jealousy themes where a partner watches or permits external sex — deeply psychological.

Erotic scenario where one partner (often submissive) watches or is aware of the other having sex with someone else.

A core part of intimacy for many people. It involves holding, snuggling, and close physical contact, often to build connection, show affection, or provide aftercare.

A fetish that involves semen ("cum"). This can include acts like "facials" (ejaculating on a partner), "creampies" (ejaculating inside the anus), or swallowing. This requires explicit, enthusiastic consent and discussion of STI risks.

Partner controls when, how, or if the other may ejaculate. Often part of chastity, teasing, or orgasm denial scenes.

Act of ingesting semen, either one’s own or a partner’s, often used as humiliation, reward, or ritual.

Ancient practice using glass or silicone cups to create suction. In kink, adds intensity to pain or visual marks.

Creating detailed submissive routines — daily tasks, goals, rules. Can last weeks or months.

Dominance and Submission. The power dynamic at the heart of much of BDSM. It's a consensual exchange of power where one person (Dom) takes control and the other (Sub) gives it up. This can be in the bedroom or a 2D/7 lifestyle.

Daddies guide through reassurance and clear direction—structure made safe by affection.

Daddies guide through reassurance and clear direction—structure made safe by affection.

Mature, confident men who blend authority with care. The Daddy is all about steady energy, protection, and warmth.

Seasoned and strong. A blend of the Bear’s warmth and the Daddy’s protective dominance.

A common gay dynamic where one partner (the "Daddy") takes on a role of authority, mentorship, and care for the other ("boy"). It can be sexual, non-sexual, or both.

Caregiving role where dominant offers structure, support, and praise. Partner (little) may act submissively or childlike.

Drug and Disease-Free. A common, if somewhat naive, statement on dating profiles. It's meant to signal a preference for sober sex and a clean bill of health, but it often ignores the realities of U=U and PrEP.

Intentional verbal or physical lowering of someone’s status. Must be consensual, clearly negotiated, and often needs strong aftercare.

Degradees eroticize exposure, shame, and surrender—always with consent and context.

Degradees eroticize exposure, shame, and surrender—always with consent and context.

Degraders choreograph humiliation as art and edge—consensual, ethical, and deliberate.

Degraders choreograph humiliation as art and edge—consensual, ethical, and deliberate.

A person on the ace spectrum who only develops sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond has been formed. The bond comes first, then the attraction.

Restricting access to pleasure, orgasms, or stimulation. Can build intensity, power, or submissive obedience.

A Bottom who derives pleasure from being denied orgasm by their partner, deepening anticipation.

A Switch who enjoys both giving and receiving orgasm denial, blending control and surrender.

A Top who controls or denies orgasms as part of power exchange or tease and denial play.

Recognition that no sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression is an illness. Enables access to trans-specific healthcare without a mental health diagnosis.

Taking away vision, hearing, or control — magnifies anticipation and helplessness.

A submissive whose kink is centered on adoration and reverence for their Dominant. Their pleasure lies in devotion itself.

Someone with a fetish for wearing diapers, either for comfort, regression, or erotic pleasure.

Also known as Adult Baby / Diaper Lover (ABDL). This is a form of roleplay that can involve the non-sexual comfort of age regression (Adult Baby) or the fetishistic use of diapers (Diaper Lover).

Also known as Adult Baby / Diaper Lover (ABDL). This is a form of roleplay that can involve the non-sexual comfort of age regression (Adult Baby) or the fetishistic use of diapers (Diaper Lover).

A relationship of people of two different sexes. Preferred over “opposite-sex,” which assumes only two immutable sexes.

Speaking explicitly during a sexual or kink encounter. This can range from simple commands ("Yes, Sir") to detailed descriptions, verbal degradation, or praise.

A Dominant who enforces structure and rules, often within domestic discipline dynamics using punishment or correction as tools of care.

Corrective punishment, often in D/s relationships. May be physical (e.g. spanking) or behavioral (e.g. writing lines).

Unequal or unfair treatment based on grounds such as age, ethnicity, disability, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Types include: Direct discrimination (treated less favourably due to sexual orientation or gender identity); Indirect discrimination (neutral rule causing disadvantage to a group); Multiple discrimination (based on more than one ground); Experienced discrimination (subjective experience of being discriminated against, not always meeting legal thresholds).

A Dominant who blends authority with care. Firm yet nurturing, protective yet commanding.

A Switch who usually prefers control but enjoys submitting sometimes. Flexible but with a dominant streak.

A 24/7 or lifestyle dynamic where a Dominant partner sets household rules, and the submissive partner is "disciplined" (e.g., spanked) for breaking them. It extends BDSM play into everyday life.

Leads with a sense of design and orchestration. Power is not about shouting but about rhythm, clarity, and containment.

Leads with a sense of design and orchestration. Power is not about shouting but about rhythm, clarity, and containment.

The person who takes the "in charge" role in a BDSM scene or relationship. This role is built on trust and the responsibility to care for their partner's well-being.

A bottom who directs the action even while receiving. They control tempo, intensity, and tone from below.

Inserting two objects or partners into the same orifice. Often seen as extreme or highly intimate.

Double Penetration. The act of being penetrated by two penises (or toys) at once, typically anally and/or vaginally. It's a common porn trope and a logistical feat that requires a lot of prep, communication, and lube.

Theatrical rebels who transform gender into art. Drag artists mix glamour, politics, and humor into living performance.

Down To Fuck. The three letters that cut through all the bullshit. This isn't about finding an LTR; it's the primal signal that someone is looking for a physical hookup, probably Right Now. Refreshingly honest, if nothing else.

A strong, adhesive household tape. It is sometimes used for bondage or gags, but it is *not* recommended.

Rules of conduct in BDSM spaces — behavioral expectations, dress code, hierarchy.

Originally a derogatory slur for a masculine or butch lesbian, this word has been powerfully reclaimed by the community as a term of pride and identity.

Short for "electro-stimulation." This practice uses special devices (like a TENS unit or Violet Wand) to send mild electrical currents through the body, creating a unique tingling or stinging sensation.

Short for "electro-stimulation." This practice uses special devices (like a TENS unit or Violet Wand) to send mild electrical currents through the body, creating a unique tingling or stinging sensation.

Edge Players eroticize denial, delay, and danger—balancing control and surrender on a knife’s edge.

Edge Players eroticize denial, delay, and danger—balancing control and surrender on a knife’s edge.

A person who enjoys the act of edging — bringing themselves or a partner to the brink of orgasm repeatedly. Can be a Top, Bottom, or Switch role.

Also known as "orgasm control." The practice of bringing oneself or a partner to the very brink of orgasm, then stopping or reducing stimulation, repeating the cycle to build intense arousal.

Use of mild to strong electrical currents for sensation, control, or stimulation. Involves devices like TENS units or violet wands.

Injection of fluid into the rectum for sensation, cleansing, or medical roleplay. Can carry vulnerability or ritual aspects.

Experienced. Often used in BDSM contexts to signal that someone isn't a newcomer. An EXE Dom or Sub knows their way around the scene, understands negotiation, and has probably seen it all before.

Deriving arousal from being seen by others. This can range from being watched by a partner (voyeurism) to playing in a public-facing BDSM dungeon or engaging in public play.

Exhibitionists turn visibility into thrill—each gaze an electric charge.

Exhibitionists turn visibility into thrill—each gaze an electric charge.

Experimentalists thrive on novelty. Every edge is an invitation to learn.

Experimentalists thrive on novelty. Every edge is an invitation to learn.

Face to Face. The moment of truth when you finally meet someone from the apps IRL (In Real Life). It's the transition from disembodied chat to an actual human being.

A niche fetish and a form of "scat" or "toilet" play where one partner consensually farts on the other's face. This is often part of a humiliation or degradation dynamic.

Impact play targeting the face. Extremely symbolic and risky — requires deep trust and negotiation.

One partner sits on another’s face for oral or domination. Can be gentle, smothering, or playful.

A dominant act where one partner sits on the other's face. This can be for the purpose of receiving oral sex (rimming or cunnilingus) or as a form of "smothering" (breath play) and humiliation.

An advanced psychological kink where one partner creates a "safe" illusion of danger. This can involve verbal threats, brandishing (but not using) a weapon, or interrogation scenes. Trust is non-negotiable.

Erotic interest in feeding or being fed — includes weight gain, food control, and dominance over consumption.

Focus on feet — visual, tactile, or olfactory. May involve worship, tickling, trampling, or humiliation.

A form of "gender play" where one partner (often a man) is "forced" or guided to adopt feminine attributes. This can involve cross-dressing, makeup, speech changes, or adopting a "sissy" persona.

A Dominant who directs or encourages the feminization of their submissive through behavior, attire, or mindset.

A person whose arousal centers on a particular object, material, or body part, such as leather, feet, or latex.

Fist Fucking. An advanced form of anal play that involves inserting an entire hand into the anus. This requires a huge amount of trust, relaxation, communication, and an ocean of lube.

A form of sensation play. A piece of peeled ginger is inserted into the anus, which creates an intense stinging/burning sensation as the body's moisture activates it. It is a form of "internal" sensation play.

One party controls or drains another’s resources. Includes fin-dom and consensual control.

A form of sensation or "primal" play. This can range from light, teasing scratches to harder, more intense scratching that leaves marks. Consent about the *intensity* and potential for marks is crucial.

A form of sensation play (borrowed from traditional medicine) where the air inside a glass cup is heated, then placed on the skin. As it cools, it creates strong suction, which many find pleasurable. It is a form of "temperature" and "sensation" play.

An advanced sensation play involving fire. This does *not* mean setting someone on fire. It typically involves "fleshing" (lighting a small amount of flammable liquid on the skin which burns out instantly) or "fire cupping." Requires an expert.

Inserting the full hand (or more) into a partner’s orifice. Requires extreme care, experience, and trust.

Impact play using floggers — multi-tailed whips. Ranges from gentle to harsh, rhythmic or chaotic.

Use of edible substances in sensual or symbolic ways. Can be messy, playful, or humiliating.

A specific fetish focused on feet. This can include a range of activities, from massaging and kissing to licking or "worshipping." Clear communication about what this means for both partners is essential.

A common form of "worship" play and a specific fetish. It involves one partner showing devotion to the other's feet. Consent must be clear about hygiene preferences and the specific acts involved.

Roleplay involving a submissive being 'forced' into sexual acts with someone of the same sex. Highly psychological.

Simulated or consensually pressured closeness. Often mental/emotional — not necessarily physical.

Using stimulation to push a partner to climax repeatedly or against their desire. Can be overwhelming or blissful.

The polar opposite of a demisexual. This is someone who feels an initial sexual spark with strangers or new acquaintances, but it fades away as soon as an emotional bond starts to form.

FaceTime. The pre-date screening process. A quick FT call can confirm that the person you're talking to isn't a Catfish and that you can actually hold a conversation before you commit to meeting them F2F.

Female to Male. The counterpart to MTF, this term describes a transgender man who was assigned female at birth and is transitioning to a male identity. Many prefer to simply be called men.

An electrical or mechanical device that provides automated, thrusting penetration with a dildo. The speed and depth are often adjustable. It can be used for solo or partner play.

Being used as furniture — footstool, table, etc. — to explore objectification and endurance.

A subculture interested in anthropomorphic animals (animals with human characteristics). This can involve art, online roleplay, or "fursuiting" (wearing a full-body animal costume). It is *not* inherently sexual, but a "furry fetish" can be.

Friends with Benefits. The messy, beautiful, and often complicated space between friendship and a relationship. You hang out, you trust each other, and you also happen to have sex. It's the ideal setup until someone catches feelings.

Items placed in the mouth to muffle speech or enforce control. Includes ball gags, bit gags, tape, and cloth.

Gags are used for speech restriction and include ball gags, bit gags, and tape gags. Hoods cover the entire head, often for sensory deprivation or objectification.

A type of group sex where several partners all have sex with one person, either sequentially or at the same time. This is distinct from an "orgy," where everyone is sexually active with each other.

A type of hood or mask that covers the face and filters air. In kink, it's used for sensory deprivation, "fear" play, or, in advanced cases, connected to a rebreather bag for breath control.

Rubber or plastic masks with breathing control, visual distortion, or anonymity. Popular in rubber, pup, and military play.

A person sexually and/or emotionally attracted to people of the same gender. Traditionally used for men, but some people of multiple/same-gender attraction also use “gay.”

Someone attracted to the same gender. A core identity with a rich history of community, culture, and activism.

Tech-savvy, curious, and passionate about niche worlds—from comics to coding. The geek tribe celebrates intellect and obsession as art.

A social construct assigning cultural and social expectations based on assigned sex.

How a person manifests gender to others (e.g., dress, speech, mannerisms). May or may not align with identity or assigned sex at birth.

Each person’s deeply felt internal experience of gender, which may or may not correspond to sex assigned at birth and may involve personal body-related choices and expressions.

Gender expressions other than strictly male or female; outside traditional binary norms.

A broad category of play that involves subverting gender. This includes cross-dressing, "sissification" (feminization), and other forms of "forced" or consensual gender transformation.

Outdated term for medical transition used legally in some EU contexts (e.g., CJEU 2018). Prefer “transition” for general use.

Medical, outdated term referring to surgeries within transition-related healthcare.

Piercings on the genitals, such as a "Prince Albert" (PA), "Frenum," or "Guiche." These are done for aesthetics and/or to enhance sexual sensation for the wearer or their partner.

Items designed for genital stimulation. This includes vibrators, cock rings (to enhance erections), masturbators/strokers, and remote-control devices.

Good, Giving, and Game. A concept popularized by sex columnist Dan Savage. It's the ideal attitude for a sexual partner: be good at it, be generous with pleasure, and be open to trying new things (within your boundaries).

Glory Hole. A hole in a wall or partition, often in a public restroom or adult bookstore, used for anonymous oral sex. It's a classic, seedy cruising trope that embodies the thrill of anonymous, no-strings-attached encounters.

Gamma-Hydroxybutyrate. A depressant drug often used in the Chemsex scene, known for increasing libido and euphoria. It's notoriously difficult to dose correctly, and the line between a good time and a medical emergency is terrifyingly thin.

A hole in a partition (often in an adult bookstore or sex club) that allows for anonymous sexual acts, typically oral sex, with the person on the other side.

A fetish focused on gloves, often made of materials like latex, leather, or satin. This can be a visual fetish or involve a "gloved handjob" for a different tactile sensation.

Gender Non-Conforming. An umbrella term for people who don't follow society's stereotypes about how they should look, act, or dress based on their gender. This can include Butch lesbians, effeminate men, and anyone who plays with gender.

Encasing someone in sticky or congealing substances (glue, wax, food) — combines restriction and mess.

Deliberately entering a trance-like hyper-arousal state through prolonged edging and media fixation.

Grindr. The infamous geosocial networking app that revolutionized gay hookup culture. It’s a chaotic marketplace of torsos, Stats, and unsolicited Pics, where you can find everything from your next husband to a hookup in the next ten minutes.

Inhabiting the "gray area" on the Asexual spectrum. A graysexual person might feel sexual attraction very rarely, only under specific circumstances, or with very low intensity.

Scenes involving more than two people — can be sexual, performative, ritual, or symbolic.

Scenes with multiple players — may involve watching, assisting, or rotating roles. Requires negotiation and structure.

Any consensual sexual encounter with three or more people (e.g., a threesome or orgy). This requires a high level of communication to ensure *everyone* consents to *every* act and all boundaries are respected.

Sculpted and social. Gym bunnies treat fitness as both art and ritual—a celebration of the body’s glow.

The counterpart to androsexual. Describes attraction to women, femininity, or female anatomy, regardless of whether the person you're attracted to identifies as a woman.

High and Horny. The state of being that fuels many a late-night PNP session. It's the potent combination of being under the influence of drugs (Chems) and having an insatiable sex drive.

Grabbing and pulling hair to assert control or induce pain. Symbolic and often tied to dominance.

A common form of "domestic discipline" or impact play. The back of a wooden or plastic hairbrush is used as a paddle to spank a partner's buttocks.

Fetish or reverence for hands. May involve kissing, licking, or gentle use of hands in power dynamics.

Metal or leather restraints used to bind wrists or ankles. Symbolic of law, control, or helplessness.

A Dominant who trains, guides, or manages a pup or pet in play. They blend authority with encouragement.

Any unwelcome act or conduct related to sexual orientation and/or gender identity/expression that is offensive, humiliating, or intimidating; can include words, gestures, and displayed materials.

Things a person never consents to — non-negotiable boundaries. Must be respected in all scenes.

Offences motivated by hate or bias against a group (e.g., gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, age, disability). Also called bias crime.

Public expressions that spread, incite, promote, or justify hatred, discrimination, or hostility toward minorities.

Fisting is the act of inserting a hand into the anus. "Heavy" fisting implies pushing limits, sometimes with both hands. This is an advanced act that requires total relaxation, trust, and extensive preparation.

Deliberate control or restriction of breathing — risky and requires strong trust.

Mostly straight. A label for someone who primarily dates the opposite gender but is open to the occasional same-gender fun or connection.

Beliefs and practices that enforce a strict gender binary and position heterosexuality as the norm; assumes alignment of sex, gender, and sex characteristics.

A person who identifies as a man attracted only to women, or a person who identifies as a woman attracted only to men.

Erotic focus on high-heeled shoes. May symbolize dominance, elegance, or vulnerability.

Human Immunodeficiency Virus. The virus that causes AIDS. With modern medicine, an HIV+ diagnosis is no longer a death sentence. With treatment, people can live long, healthy lives and cannot transmit the virus (U=U).

Mostly gay. The flip side of heteroflexible. You're primarily into the same gender, but you don't rule out the possibility of an opposite-gender connection if the vibe is right.

Fear, unreasonable anger, intolerance, and/or hatred directed towards homosexuality and people perceived as gay/lesbian.

Classification based on the gender of one’s partners being the same as one’s own. Recommended to use “lesbian” and “gay” instead, as these are more neutral and identity-focused.

The clinical, slightly archaic term for someone attracted to the same gender. It has a scientific "specimen" vibe that most people have ditched in favor of "Gay" or "Lesbian".

Full head coverings made of leather, latex, or fabric. Remove identity, create anonymity or sensory focus.

Hormone therapy that may be part of transition-related medical care or intersex-specific healthcare.

Control or fetish of socks, tights, stockings. May be visual, tactile, or linked to control.

Dripping melted wax on the skin for sensation play. Temperature and candle type must be chosen carefully.

A form of psychological degradation and objectification. The submissive consensually allows their partner to ash on them or in their mouth. This is an advanced humiliation kink.

A psychological practice where a submissive finds pleasure in being consensually shamed, degraded, or embarrassed. This is almost always verbal ("dirty talk") but can also be situational.

A timeless archetype of masculine allure—muscular, confident, and built to turn heads.

Incall. The opposite of Outcall. It means the sex worker or host is providing the location, and you have to travel to them.

In My Humble Opinion. A classic piece of internet speak used to soften a statement. It's a way of offering your two cents without coming across as an aggressive asshole, even if your opinion is anything but humble.

The receiver in an impact scene. They find pleasure or release in the rhythm, pain, or surrender.

A broad category for any play that involves striking the body. This includes spanking (hands), paddling (paddles), flogging (floggers), caning (canes), and whipping (whips).

A general term for anyone who enjoys impact play (spanking, flogging, caning), without specifying a Top, Bottom, or Switch role.

Someone who enjoys both giving and receiving impact—spanking, flogging, or caning—with equal enthusiasm.

The giver in an impact scene, delivering strikes with precision, care, and rhythm.

A category of fetish gear that can be inflated with air. This includes inflatable butt plugs (which expand inside the body) or inflatable suits that provide pressure and restraint.

Dominant visually or physically checks the submissive's body, posture, or behavior. Linked to humiliation or protocol.

Scenes that simulate questioning, intimidation, or psychological pressure. Blends fear, control, and ritual.

A psychological roleplay scene focused on an interrogator trying to get information from a "prisoner." It often involves questioning, intimidation, and high psychological stakes.

People born with sex characteristics (anatomy, hormones, chromosomes, etc.) that do not fit typical definitions of male or female. “Intersex” is an umbrella term for natural variation across a spectrum.

Interracial. A term for relationships or sexual encounters between people of different racial backgrounds. In the queer community, this often intersects with specific desires and fetishes.

Jack Off. Masturbation. Whether it's a solo activity or a group event (Circle Jerk), it's the foundational sexual act.

Athletic men whose sporty confidence and physical ease exude both discipline and desire.

The one who holds the key in a chastity dynamic, controlling when or if their partner may orgasm.

A form of heavy impact play. In kink, this is usually done with boots and is directed at durable parts of the body, like the thighs, boots, or buttocks.

A fetish centered on the Scottish kilt. This is often tied to masculinity, "uniform" fetishes, or the "easy access" and "what's underneath" fantasy.

A broad term for anyone active in the kink or BDSM world. A kinkster may enjoy power play, fetishes, or creative erotic expression.

A common act of intimacy. This can range from a simple kiss on the cheek to "making out" (deep, passionate kissing). It's a key way to build connection and requires consent just like any other act.

A core symbol of submission. Used in protocols, rituals, and erotic displays of humility.

A form of edge play that uses a knife for sensation (cold steel, dull edge) or psychological "fear" play. This is an advanced kink that requires immense trust and control.

Knockout. A very niche and high-risk form of Breath Play where the goal is to cause a partner to temporarily lose consciousness. This is an extreme edge-play activity that requires immense trust and knowledge.

A form of anal play focused on "stretching" or "gaping" by using toys that are significantly larger than a penis. This is an advanced practice that requires extensive training and warm-up.

Material fetish centered on latex clothing or gear. Known for tight fit, gloss, and smell.

A popular fetish material, loved for its skin-tight feel, smell, and "second skin" look. It's often used for full-body catsuits, hoods, and other fetish apparel.

Wearing or controlling latex clothing — includes sensory restriction, breath play, and identity themes.

Long-Distance Relationship. A relationship where the partners live far apart. It's a challenge of trust, communication, and expensive plane tickets. In the queer community, where dating pools can be small, LDRs are a common reality.

Symbolic restraint or ownership. Collars can be decorative or functional; leashes amplify control.

More than just a material, leather is a core part of gay kink history and identity. It's used for fetish wear (chaps, harnesses, vests) and durable bondage equipment.

An experienced Dominant within the leather scene, often a mentor or caretaker for younger members.

Behavioral correction using rules from leather traditions — strict, ritualistic, and respectful.

A butch lesbian whose identity is rooted in the leather and BDSM community—strength, pride, and heritage.

Traditions, gestures, or codes associated with leather subculture. Often rich in community values.

A younger or submissive-leaning member of the leather community who learns from elders and carries on its codes.

A core identity in the leather subculture—marked by honor, mentorship, and community tradition.

Defined by discipline, heritage, and erotic ritual. Leathermen embody the aesthetics and ethos of power, respect, and restraint.

A legal process by which a trans and/or intersex person’s gender is recognised in law, or the outcome of that process.

A woman who is sexually and/or emotionally attracted to women.

A woman who is romantically and/or sexually attracted to other women. A core identity with a rich history of community, culture, and activism.

Looking for Group. A term borrowed from the gaming world (Gaymer) that has been adapted for seeking a group sex scenario. It's a less direct way of saying you're looking for a Gang Bang or orgy.

Acronym for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and intersex people.

Laughing Out Loud. The classic internet acronym that can mean anything from 'That was mildly amusing' to 'I am actively ignoring what you just said'. Its emotional weight has been diluted to almost nothing.

While not a "kink," love is a core component of many BDSM and non-monogamous relationships. It is the foundation of trust, care, and intimacy that makes vulnerability in kink possible.

Long-Term Relationship. The unicorn of the dating app world. Putting this in your bio is a bold declaration that you’re not just looking for a NSA hookup. You’re in the market for something that might actually last.

Men for Men. A classification used in personal ads and on some apps to specify that you are a man seeking another man. A basic, functional tag from the pre-Grindr era.

Intentional physical marks left as memory or proof — from spanking, biting, etc.

Marriage laws that include same-sex couples equally. Often mislabelled as “gay marriage”; the accurate term is marriage equality.

Erotic energy rooted in competitive or mirrored masculinity — power struggle without feminization.

Covering the face or head — anonymizes and objectifies. Can link to objectification or sensory control.

Pain becomes transformation. Each sensation holds connection, sacrifice, and catharsis.

Pain becomes transformation. Each sensation holds connection, sacrifice, and catharsis.

The act of rubbing or stroking the body, often with oils. This can be non-sexual (for relaxation) or "sensual," serving as a form of "sensualism" play, foreplay, or aftercare.

Masters practice structured dominance, built on ritual and reverence. Their control is precise, deliberate, and often constant.

Masters practice structured dominance, built on ritual and reverence. Their control is precise, deliberate, and often constant.

One of the most formal types of Power Exchange, often (but not always) involving 24/7 protocols, deep trust, and a high level of service and authority. See also: Total Power Exchange (TPE).

Stimulating one's own genitals for sexual pleasure. This can be a solo activity or done with a partner (mutual masturbation). It is a core part of exploring one's own body and desires.

Also known as Ecstasy or Molly. A popular party drug that causes feelings of euphoria, empathy, and enhanced sensation. It's a common player in the Chemsex scene and rave culture.

A form of roleplay centered on medical themes. This can range from simple "doctor checkup" scenes to more intense play involving sterile equipment, restraints, or sensation.

Someone who enjoys medical roleplay. This can range from "doctor/patient" scenes to fetishizing medical equipment, procedures, or sensations.

Using hospital straps or institutional restraints. Blends clinical fear with surrender.

Play involving doctor/nurse roles — includes outfit, behavior, and clinical dominance.

A category of BDSM furniture and restraints inspired by historical torture or punishment devices. This includes items like stocks (for wrists/ankles) or pillories (for head/wrists).

A form of roleplay centered on military themes. This often involves wearing uniforms, a strict hierarchy (e.g., officer/enlisted), "interrogation" scenes, or disciplinary drills.

An advanced form of psychological play where a Dominant uses suggestion, "gaslighting" (consensual), or hypnosis to influence a submissive's thoughts or actions. This is a high-trust, high-risk kink.

Scenes designed to confuse, shock, or mislead — often relies on suggestion, ambiguity, or twists.

A bondage or fetish model who poses for photos or performances, blending erotic art with exhibition.

A relationship model based on romantic and sexual exclusivity between two partners. This is often the default assumption but should be explicitly discussed.

An umbrella term for anyone who is only attracted to one gender. This includes people who identify as straight, gay, or lesbian.

Men Who Have Sex with Men. A clinical term used in public health to describe a behavioral category, regardless of how someone identifies. It's useful for talking about STIs and health risks without getting bogged down in identity.

Male to Female. A term used to describe a transgender woman who was assigned male at birth and is transitioning to a female identity. It's a slightly clinical term, and many prefer to simply be called women.

Wrapping the body in layers (e.g., plastic, latex, or bandages) to restrict movement. Claustrophobic and symbolic.

Hairy, muscular men who merge Bear sensuality with a gym-built physique—strength meets softness.

A form of body worship focused on a partner's physique. This typically involves the submissive partner massaging, kissing, or showing reverence for the dominant partner's muscles.

Removal of someone's name or identity — replaced with titles like 'boy', 'object', or 'number'.

A form of sensation play involving the insertion of sterile, single-use (hypodermic or acupuncture) needles into the top layers of the skin. This is an advanced medical kink.

HIV-Negative. A statement of one's HIV status. While important, the simple NEG or POS binary is being complicated by concepts like U=U and the widespread use of PrEP.

A common kink toy used for sensation play. They restrict blood flow and create a "pinch" that many find pleasurable. They can range from light (clothespins) to very intense (Clover clamps).

A common genital-area piercing. In kink, they are often used as anchor points for nipple clamps, weights, or bondage tape, which can heighten sensation.

Stimulation of nipples through touch, clamps, wax, or suction. Highly variable sensitivity among individuals.

Play focused on nipple pain or control — clamps, suction, flicking. A classic masochistic zone.

Gender identities that are not exclusively male or female.

Non-Monogamists build webs of care instead of cages. They balance autonomy with transparency.

Non-Monogamists build webs of care instead of cages. They balance autonomy with transparency.

No Pic, No Chat. A hard-and-fast rule on dating apps for people who are tired of talking to blank, anonymous profiles. It's a demand for basic transparency before they'll invest any time in a conversation.

No Strings Attached. The quintessential agreement for modern casual sex. It means you’re here for a good time, not a long time. There's no expectation of a follow-up date or emotional investment. The opposite of an LTR.

Objectification and Gratification. A BDSM dynamic where a person is treated as an object for their partner's pleasure. This is a consensual game of dehumanization, playing with power and control.

Set of formal postures a submissive may be trained in — present, kneel, inspection, etc.

A form of consensual objectification where someone takes pleasure in being treated as a thing — with agreed boundaries and meaning.

Restraining someone *into* furniture or objects — symbolic merger of body and thing.

A psychological "game" where a person is consensually treated as an inanimate object, like furniture or a footstool, for the pleasure of their partner or their own sense of surrender.

Experiences sexual and/or romantic attraction to objects or structures. For some, this can include strong emotional bonds or a sense of relationship with a specific object.

Tasks done not for fun, but because they’re assigned — psychological submission layer.

Temptation without access — showing or mentioning what’s forbidden. Flirty torment.

The bottom of the pack hierarchy — often portrayed as submissive, sensitive, or intuitive. Sometimes proud of it.

Oh My Fucking God. The amplified version of OMG, used for moments of extreme shock, excitement, or disgust. It's the acronym you type when someone sends a truly breathtaking nude or tells you some incredibly hot gossip.

Attracted to all genders, but unlike Pansexuality, gender can still be a factor in the attraction. An Omnisexual person might have different feelings or types of attraction towards different genders.

Similar to pansexual, but with a key difference: omnisexual people are attracted to all genders, but they *see* and recognize the gender of the person and may have preferences.

Commonly known as a "blow job," this is the act of stimulating a partner's penis with the mouth. Clear consent and discussion about boundaries (like swallowing or "deep-throating") are important.

Oral/Breath Play. A combination of oral sex and Breath Play (consensual choking or airflow restriction). This is an intense, high-risk activity that amplifies the sensations of a blowjob through oxygen deprivation. Requires extreme caution.

Manipulating timing of orgasm through denial, edging, or command. Often part of power exchange.

Lean and hairy men with a playful spark—otters blend the sensuality of bears with an agile, flirty energy.

Being openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, or intersex.

Pushing a body past orgasm or sensory limit — blends pleasure, discomfort, and surrender.

Owners provide rules, shelter, and attention—leading with responsibility, not possession.

Owners provide rules, shelter, and attention—leading with responsibility, not possession.

A form of impact play that involves spanking with a "paddle" (a flat, broad tool), as opposed to a hand, cane, or flogger. It typically creates a "thuddy" or "stingy" sensation, depending on the material.

A person emotionally and/or sexually attracted to people regardless of their gender.

Attraction to people regardless of their gender. Often described as being attracted to "hearts, not parts," it emphasizes a person's identity over their gender.

A specific term for when a person (of any gender) uses a strap-on dildo to penetrate a man anally. This is a common practice in both queer and straight relationships.

Pets embody devotion through behavior—obedience, attention, and joy in being seen.

Pets embody devotion through behavior—obedience, attention, and joy in being seen.

A form of animal roleplay where one partner takes on the persona of an animal (e.g., pup, pony) and the other acts as their Handler or Trainer. It often explores themes of non-verbal communication, service, and primal instinct.

Picture. The currency of dating apps. 'Send Pic?' is the inevitable question. This can range from a face pic to a full-blown nude. The exchange of pics is a ritual of mutual verification and attraction.

Fetish involving piercings — permanent or temporary. May be erotic, ritual, or aesthetic.

A person who loves to receive pleasure but rarely gives. They enjoy being adored like royalty.

Also called "watersports" or "golden showers." A common fetish centered on urine, which can involve watching, being urinated on, or (rarely) drinking. It's a formt of consensual psychological or "taboo" play.

The "consequence" in a BDSM scene, especially in Brat or Discipline dynamics. This is a negotiated, consensual act (like spanking or writing lines) that *both* partners enjoy. It is *not* real-world abuse.

A Dominant whose main thrill is maximizing their submissive’s pleasure — sometimes to an overwhelming degree.

A submissive who finds erotic thrill in the edge between pain and pleasure, exploring where they blur.

A Dominant who enjoys pushing the limits of pleasure — forced orgasms, overstimulation, or intensity as an art form.

A submissive whose kink revolves around receiving pleasure — sometimes so intense it becomes a form of surrender.

Party and Play. The intersection of sex and drug use, typically involving stimulants like methamphetamine (Tina) or GHB. It's a subculture focused on long, disinhibited sex sessions. It's also a scene with significant health risks.

Authority-focused scenes using uniforms, interrogation, arrest scenarios, or power dynamics.

Polyamorous. The practice of having multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It's a relationship style that challenges traditional ideas of monogamy.

A form of ethical non-monogamy where individuals have multiple, loving, and committed romantic relationships at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all involved.

Attraction to multiple, but not necessarily all, genders. Think of it as being on the multisexual spectrum somewhere between bisexual and pansexual.

A sub-genre of pet play involving horse behavior, tack, training, and often choreography.

HIV-Positive. A statement of one's HIV status. In the modern era, being POS is not a scarlet letter. Thanks to effective treatment, it's a manageable chronic condition. The community is still fighting the stigma that clings to this acronym.

Stimulating or torturing the body after orgasm — high sensitivity makes it extreme.

Correcting or controlling physical position — e.g., crawling, kneeling, standing still. Builds discipline.

Point of View. A style of porn shot from the perspective of one of the participants. It's designed to make the viewer feel like they are part of the action, creating a more immersive experience.

A bottom who is anything but passive. They direct the pace, give feedback, and often take control from the receiving position.

A broad term for any BDSM dynamic where one partner (submissive) consensually gives power and control to another (Dominant). This can be for a short scene or a 24/7 lifestyle (TPE).

Bondage that creates a dilemma — moving one way eases one pain but worsens another. Psychological torment.

Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. A daily pill that is highly effective at preventing HIV. PrEP has been a game-changer for sexual health in the gay community, allowing people to have greater control over their risk.

Clean-cut, crisp, and composed. Preppies favor refinement over rebellion and charm over chaos.

Annual demonstrations and celebrations against LGBTIphobia and for LGBTI rights, held worldwide.

Hunters chase with body, breath, and sound. They move by impulse, not script.

Hunters chase with body, breath, and sound. They move by impulse, not script.

Prey crave the chase—the moment between fear and surrender. They love being caught, pinned, seen.

Prey crave the chase—the moment between fear and surrender. They love being caught, pinned, seen.

A submissive who finds freedom and pleasure in being the cherished possession of their Dominant or Owner.

The act of stimulating the prostate, an internal gland often called the "male P-spot." This is done by inserting a finger or a curved toy into the anus to apply pressure, which can lead to intense pleasure or orgasm.

A specific form of prostate massage where the goal is to "milk" the prostate, causing a "hands-free" ejaculation. This is an advanced technique that requires knowledge of prostate anatomy.

The act of stimulating the prostate, an internal gland (P-spot) that can produce intense orgasms. This is typically done by inserting a finger or a curved toy into the anus to apply pressure.

The "rules" of a power dynamic, agreed upon by both partners. This can include how to speak ("Yes, Sir"), daily tasks, or rituals. It provides structure and reinforces the dynamic.

Dominance through non-physical means — mind games, restrictions, fear, or framing.

Someone whose kink is focused on the mind. This includes power dynamics, humiliation, praise, gaslighting, or emotional control, often more than physical acts.

Creating risk of being seen, caught, or watched — physical or digital. Requires risk boundaries.

An advanced form of humiliation where a submissive is consensually embarrassed in public. This can range from subtle acts (like wearing a hidden plug) to overt ones (like being leashed).

Following rules or gestures in public — discreet, symbolic, or brave.

Scenes or expressions that involve public exposure, risk, or exhibitionism (within legal/consensual bounds).

An extreme form of impact play for advanced masochists, involving consensual, controlled punches to muscular areas (like the gut or pecs). This is *not* a real fight.

Journals where submissives record infractions and punishments — structured and ritualized.

Playful men who embody loyalty and energy through pup play or affectionate submission. It’s all about joy and pack vibes.

Roleplay involving being a puppy — playful, submissive, or dominant. Gear and headspace often involved.

A popular form of "pet play" where a partner (the "pup") adopts the headspace and mannerisms of a puppy. This often involves a "Handler," a pup hood, and non-verbal communication (like nuzzling or growling).

A synthetic material (polyvinyl chloride) used in fetish wear. It's known for its high-gloss, "wet" look and is often used for boots, catsuits, and straightjackets.

Queer Person of Color. An identity term that specifically highlights the intersection of being both queer and a person of color. It's a term of solidarity and recognition that the experiences of QPOC are unique.

Queerplatonic Partner. A relationship that blurs the lines between intense friendship and romantic partnership. A QPP involves a deep, committed bond that isn't necessarily romantic or sexual.

Historically a slur, now reclaimed by many who identify beyond traditional gender categories and heteronormative norms. Some still find it offensive depending on context. Also an academic field (queer theory).

The ultimate reclaimed umbrella term. Once a vicious slur, "queer" has been embraced as a defiant, political, and inclusive identity for anyone who isn't straight and/or cisgender.

A defiant identity embracing fluidity and edge. Queer folks bend style, gender, and norms into self-made expression.

You're not attracted to them until you know they're attracted to you first. It's a conditional attraction that turns on only in response to someone else's desire.

A legal recognition of relationships, not always granting the same rights/benefits as marriage; also called civil union/civil partnership.

Erotic bondage focused on symmetry, aesthetics, and control — often photographed or exhibited.

A general term for any gear used for bondage. This includes metal handcuffs, leather cuffs, fuzzy cuffs, rope, bondage tape, spreader bars, and more.

A type of impact toy, originally for horse riding. It consists of a handle, a stiff shaft, and a flexible "popper" at the end. It delivers a sharp, stinging sensation, often with a distinct sound.

Riggers tie intention into every knot. Each line becomes a sentence, each pull a breath.

Riggers tie intention into every knot. Each line becomes a sentence, each pull a breath.

This is the act of using the mouth and tongue to stimulate a partner's anus. It's a common part of gay male sex and, like any act, requires clear consent and communication about hygiene and boundaries.

Structured, often submissive washing routines — tied to preparation, purification, or worship.

Real Life. The world beyond the screen. The ultimate goal of most online interactions is to eventually take things to the RL.

Right Now. The even more urgent version of ASAP. If someone is looking RN, they are likely already naked and waiting for you to give them an ETA.

Switching traditional D/s or gender roles in a scene — often symbolic, humorous, or liberating.

A specific type of bondage using rope. It can be simple and functional or highly complex and artistic, as in Japanese Shibari. It can also be used for suspension.

The person being tied. They enjoy surrender, pressure, and the meditative stillness of restraint.

Rope Bunnies offer their body as canvas. Trust becomes art as they’re held in tension.

Rope Bunnies offer their body as canvas. Trust becomes art as they’re held in tension.

Lifting or partially suspending a body using rope. Physically demanding and symbolically powerful.

The partner who ties during rope play. They focus on precision, safety, and the shared experience of restraint.

Fetish around rubber clothing or gear. Tighter and glossier than latex; often used interchangeably.

Someone aroused by the look, feel, or restriction of rubber or latex clothing.

Men who embody earthy masculinity with a touch of grit—less polished, more real.

Sadism and Masochism. A core component of BDSM, this is the dynamic of deriving pleasure from inflicting (Sadism) or receiving (Masochism) pain or humiliation. It's a consensual exploration of the connection between pain and pleasure.

Erotic pleasure derived from inflicting pain, degradation, or fear. Can be physical or psychological.

Draws arousal from calibrated pain, emotional edge, and sensory artistry. Ethics and awareness define the edge.

Draws arousal from calibrated pain, emotional edge, and sensory artistry. Ethics and awareness define the edge.

Prolonged torment that alternates pain and pleasure. Often emotional and psychological.

S&M is the umbrella term for the dynamic between a Sadist (one who enjoys giving consensual pain/sensation) and a Masochist (one who enjoys receiving it). This is a core concept in BDSM.

A person who enjoys both giving and receiving pain or intensity — finding balance between control and surrender.

There is no separate “same-sex marriage” law in practice; the correct concept is marriage equality — opening marriage laws to same-sex couples on equal terms.

Relationships/couples consisting of two people of the same sex.

Primarily attracted to intelligence or intellectual connection, often prioritizing mental stimulation over gender or physical appearance.

A beautifully poetic umbrella term for women who are attracted to other women, be they lesbian, bisexual, or pansexual. Named after the poet Sappho.

Also known as "toilet play." A fetish centered on feces. This is a niche fetish that involves high social taboos and significant health considerations.

Feces-related play. Extremely taboo and practiced with rare safety rituals. Not widely accepted.

Control via smell — sweat, underwear, armpits. Connects intimacy with hierarchy.

A playful term for a submissive in a primal scene who absorbs rough, animalistic energy like biting or scratching.

Where a same-sex partner is allowed to adopt their partner’s biological child(ren).

Gesture or non-verbal signals triggering rules, posture, or internal reaction in submissive.

Rules only known by the dominant and submissive — adds stealth, tension, or anticipation.

The act of applying restraints to oneself for pleasure. This is a solo activity that requires extensive planning to ensure a "quick release" or "escape" mechanism is available.

A rope artist who ties themselves, combining skill, safety, and self-exploration in solo practice.

A type of play that explores senses *other* than impact. This includes temperature (ice, hot wax), texture (feathers, pinwheels), or sensory deprivation (blindfolds, hoods).

A broad term for someone who explores sensory play. This includes temperature, texture, sound, or sensory deprivation, often overlapping with impact or edge play.

Reducing senses (sight, sound, touch) using blindfolds, hoods, earplugs. Creates deep submission or altered state.

Layering stimuli — sound, touch, visuals — to create overwhelming erotic intensity.

A type of play focused on heightening *all* five senses. This is often a slow, gentle form of kink involving feathers, oil, blindfolds, music, or food, designed to overload or focus the senses.

A type of play focused on heightening *all* five senses. This is often a slow, gentle form of kink involving feathers, oil, blindfolds, music, or food, designed to overload or focus the senses.

Sensualists engage all senses—taste, scent, sound, texture, light—to heighten awareness and arousal.

Sensualists engage all senses—taste, scent, sound, texture, light—to heighten awareness and arousal.

Dressing in maid, butler, or military-like uniforms — enhances service dynamics.

A submissive style centered on acts of service, such as bootblacking (shining boots), preparing meals, or performing rituals. The pleasure comes from devotion and completing tasks.

Following established rituals, greetings, or tasks within a dynamic. Often seen in M/s or high protocol scenes.

Service Subs offer stability through action—cleaning, preparing, assisting, attending.

Service Subs offer stability through action—cleaning, preparing, assisting, attending.

Fulfilling tasks, chores, or rituals for a dominant. Emotional and spiritual component of submission.

Service Tops lead with intention, offering sensation as service and precision as affection.

Service Tops lead with intention, offering sensation as service and precision as affection.

Performing tasks or domestic roles in a submissive mindset. Ranges from cleaning to protocol service.

Classification typically assigned at birth (male/female) based on external anatomy; in reality a combination of chromosomes, hormones, reproductive organs, and secondary sex characteristics.

A broad term for any activity intended to provide sexual pleasure. This can range from kissing and masturbation to oral, anal, or kink-based play. The foundation of all sexual activity must be enthusiastic, ongoing consent.

A person’s chromosomes, anatomy, hormonal structure, and reproductive organs. Advocates recommend protecting “sex characteristics” explicitly in anti-discrimination law to include intersex people.

A form of psychological play where a submissive partner is treated as a "thing" for the Dominant's sexual use (e.g., "human dildo," "cum receptacle"). It is an advanced form of consensual degradation.

Each person’s capacity for profound affection, emotional/sexual attraction to, and intimate relations with individuals of the same, different, or more than one gender.

A type of bondage gear, often made of metal and lockable, used for wrists and ankles. They are a "heavy" form of restraint, often used with spreader bars or attached to BDSM furniture.

Consensual humiliation around traits, behavior, or desires. Can be verbal or symbolic.

Erotic or humiliating act of removing hair from head, body, or genitals. Often symbolic of control or ritual.

Removing hair as a ritual act — often linked to control, purity, or preparation.

A specific, traditional form of Japanese rope bondage. It is known for its intricate, beautiful patterns and its focus on the connection (the "rope dialogue") between the rigger (tier) and the model (tied).

Using electrostimulation devices to deliver shocks for pain, muscle tension, or orgasm play.

Licking, sniffing, or serving footwear — typically boots or sneakers. Tied to devotion and objectification.

A “lone wolf” who operates outside traditional hierarchies. Independent, mysterious, and self-contained.

Practicing prolonged silence or controlled speech — can include gagging or speech denial.

A type of BDSM toy with a handle and one long, flexible lash (like an Indiana Jones whip). It's an *advanced* impact toy that is very fast and can easily break the skin.

An honorific used to address a Dominant, showing respect and recognition of the power exchange. Always used by mutual agreement.

Transformative play involving feminizing clothing, behavior, or identity. Can be humiliating, erotic, or comforting.

A submissive man who adopts a hyper-feminine persona in kink play, exploring gender, vulnerability, and transformation.

Open-hand strikes to face or body — combines sting and power assertion. Needs consent and body awareness.

Slaves choose surrender as liberation. They thrive within rules that define purpose and identity.

Slaves choose surrender as liberation. They thrive within rules that define purpose and identity.

A form of permanent "marking" or "branding." It is a tattoo given to a submissive, often with the Dominant's symbol or sigil, to signify a permanent D/s dynamic.

The kink-based concept of "slavery" is a consensual 24/7 power dynamic (TPE) where a "slave" gives total authority to a "Master." It is *not* the same as historical, non-consensual slavery.

Dominating someone's rest — waking schedules, bedtime rituals, or dream restriction.

The sleek, polished counterpart to the Bear—a hairless body aesthetic that highlights texture and touch.

Play involving intentional obstruction of breathing with body parts (e.g., face-sitting) or soft materials.

Significant Other. A gender-neutral term for a committed partner. It's a slightly more formal, grown-up way of talking about your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner without getting bogged down in specific labels.

A common fetish focusing on socks. This can involve the look or feel of the socks (e.g., knee-highs) or a scent component (e.g., used gym socks).

A gentle Dominant who leads through empathy, words, and trust rather than fear or force. Power with tenderness.

Someone who practices kink alone, such as self-bondage or solo exploration. Independent and curious.

Inserting rods into the urethra for sensation, stretching, or medical fetish. Requires strict hygiene.

"Sounding" is inserting sterile, medical-grade objects into the urethra. "Figging" is inserting a piece of peeled ginger into the anus, which creates an intense stinging sensation.

The act of inserting smooth, sterile, medical-grade objects (called "sounds") into the urethra. This is an advanced sensation play that many find pleasurable.

A type of stretchy fabric (like Lycra) used in fetish wear, wrestling singlets, or zentai suits. It's known for its tight, "second-skin" feel.

Someone who enjoys receiving spankings, often as part of sensual or disciplinary play.

Someone who enjoys giving spankings, ranging from playful taps to structured discipline.

Impact play using hands, paddles, or tools. Can be playful, disciplinary, or erotic.

A medical tool designed to hold open a body cavity. In kink, it's used (primarily anally for men) for "medical play," inspection scenes, or to allow access for other forms of play.

Used symbolically or as a form of humiliation/marking. Can be ritualistic or primal.

A piece of BDSM gear, typically a rigid bar with cuffs at each end, used to hold a partner's arms or (more commonly) legs open and apart. This creates a state of vulnerability and restricted movement.

Scenes where innocence or 'normalcy' is gradually dismantled — eroticizing transformation.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases. The older, more stigmatizing term for STIs. The language has shifted to 'infections' because many are treatable or manageable, whereas 'disease' implies a more permanent, chronic condition.

Sexually Transmitted Infections. The modern, more accurate term for infections passed through sexual contact. Regular testing for STIs is a basic part of responsible sexual health for anyone who is active.

Describes attraction to a different gender, typically within the male/female binary. It is often the default setting society pushes on everyone.

A dildo attached to a harness, allowing a partner to penetrate another anally. When a man is penetrated by a partner using a strap-on, it is commonly called "pegging."

Slang for a vanilla person curious about kink. Sweet, open, and ready to explore new territory.

A Switch who usually prefers to be controlled but can also take charge when the mood strikes.

Pretending reluctance or resistance while truly consenting. Often involves power inversion.

Submission is not passive—it’s selective devotion. They yield where trust feels earned, finding calm in being led.

Submission is not passive—it’s selective devotion. They yield where trust feels earned, finding calm in being led.

The person who consensually gives up power to a Dominant. This is an active role of trust and surrender, not weakness. The submissive holds ultimate power through safewords.

A common term for a "trance-like" or altered state of consciousness that a submissive (or even a Dominant) may enter during an intense BDSM scene. It's often described as feeling "floaty," peaceful, or euphoric, caused by a rush of endorphins.

Where a same-sex partner is allowed to adopt their partner’s adopted child.

Using suction cups or vacuums on the skin for sensation, swelling, or aesthetic effect.

An arrangement in which a woman carries and delivers a child for another person or couple.

An advanced formof bondage (usually rope) where a person is fully or partially lifted off the floor. This is a high-trust, high-skill activity.

Rope or device-based bondage where body is partially or fully suspended. Requires training and safety.

The act of swallowing semen at the end of oral sex. This is a common personal preference or fetish. Like any act involving bodily fluids, it requires clear consent and discussion of STI risks.

A fetish focused on sweat, often tied to exertion, masculinity, or primal scent. This can involve licking, smelling, or worshipping a sweaty body.

A form of ethical non-monogamy where couples "swap" partners or engage in group sex with other couples or individuals, often at specific parties or events.

Switches adapt intuitively—dom one moment, sub the next—reading partners and moods like weather.

Switches adapt intuitively—dom one moment, sub the next—reading partners and moods like weather.

A person who can comfortably and enjoyably "switch" between the roles of Dominant and Submissive, depending on their partner, mood, or the specific scene.

Alternating between dominant and submissive roles. Some switch scene-to-scene, others mid-play.

Arousal from specific textures or materials — silk, fur, latex, metal, etc.

A Dominant who takes delight in taming a brat or wild submissive through patience, play, and power.

To Be Determined. The non-committal answer to any logistical question. It's the verbal equivalent of a shrug emoji, often used when plans are still up in the air.

Crying during a scene is a common and complex response. It can be "play tears" (from intense sensation or emotion) or "real tears" (distress). It's vital for a Dominant to learn the difference.

Play with hot or cold — ice, wax, warm tools. Stimulates nerve endings and emotional response.

A TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) unit is a medical device co-opted for kink. It sends mild electrical pulses through sticky pads placed on the body, creating a "tingling" or "buzzing" sensation.

Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming. An inclusive umbrella term that covers both transgender people and anyone else who doesn't conform to traditional gender norms in their expression or identity.

Someone who identifies spiritually or psychologically as a non-human animal. It can overlap with but extends beyond roleplay.

A poetic, old-fashioned word for a slave — evoking the feeling of being utterly captivated and bound to one’s Dominant. Ideal for lovers of historical drama.

This is an advanced form of oral sex ("deep-throating") where a partner's penis reaches the back of the throat. It's an intense sensation that can trigger a gag reflex.

A person who enjoys being tickled for pleasure, laughter, or surrender.

A person who enjoys tickling others for erotic or playful stimulation.

A form of playful "torture" or sensation play. When used in a BDSM context with restraints, it can be an incredibly intense and psychological experience for the receiver.

Erotic use of timers — deadlines for tasks, punishments, or endurance challenges.

Too Long; Didn't Read. The internet's way of asking for a summary. It's what you put at the end of a long post to give people the gist, or what you comment when someone has written a novel in your DMs.

A fetish involving urine ("piss play") and/or feces ("scat"). This can range from "golden showers" to more extreme "human toilet" scenarios. It is a niche fetish with high social taboos.

The giving or penetrative partner in a sexual scene. Top refers to the active role, focused on providing sensation or stimulation.

Simulating interrogation, punishment, or forced submission. High trust, high-intensity play.

Also known as TPE. This is the most "all-in" form of a D/s dynamic, where the submissive partner consensually gives authority over most or all aspects of their life to their Dominant partner. This is a lifestyle, not a scene.

Use of anal plugs, beads, or dildos for stimulation, training, or control. Vast range of types.

Devices used to stimulate or control the genitals — cages, vibrators, pumps, etc.

Dildos, plugs, or other objects designed for penetration. Vary in size, shape, material, and symbolism.

Insertable or wearable toys controlled by a partner — used for public scenes or distance play.

A Dominant who enjoys shaping their submissive’s behavior through structure, praise, and repetition.

Walking or standing on a partner's body. Combines domination, impact, and sometimes humiliation.

Umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or expression differs from sex assigned at birth. May include transsexual, transgender, cross-dressing, non-binary, genderqueer, agender, and others.

Term for people whose gender identity and/or expression differs from sex assigned at birth; often used broadly, overlapping with “trans.”

Social and/or medical steps to live in one’s identified gender (e.g., coming out, name/legal changes, clothing/presentation, hormones, surgeries). Transitions vary by person.

Medical interventions (e.g., hormones, surgeries) to align a person’s body with their gendered self-perception. Replaces older terms like GRS/GAS in many contexts.

Negative cultural and personal beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours based on prejudice, disgust, fear, and/or hatred of trans people or gender diversity.

An older, sometimes clinical term for "cross-dressing." In a kink context, it can be a fetish itself or part of a "feminization" or "gender play" scene. It is distinct from being transgender.

Transsexual. An older, more clinical term for a transgender person, particularly one who has undergone or desires to undergo medical transition. Many people now prefer the term Transgender, as TS can feel outdated.

Tit Torture. A form of BDSM play focused on the nipples. This can involve clamps, clothespins, biting, or twisting. It's an intense form of sensation play that can be both painful and highly arousing.

Trigger Warning. A heads-up that the content that follows might be distressing, particularly for people with trauma. It's a common courtesy online to allow people to mentally prepare or opt out of engaging with potentially upsetting material.

A young or young-looking, slender, and smooth gay man—often a distinct tribe within queer and kink culture.

Youthful, slim, and smooth. Twinks bring flirty confidence and bright energy to the scene.

A blend of twink charm and gym-built confidence. Youthful but with muscle to spare.

Undetectable = Untransmittable. The revolutionary, scientifically-proven fact that a person with HIV who is on effective treatment and has an undetectable viral load cannot sexually transmit the virus to a partner.

Someone still figuring out their place in kink or dynamics—open but undefined.

A fetish centered on underwear. This can be a visual attraction to the style (like jockstraps, briefs, or panties) or involve a scent component (like used underwear).

Regulating what underwear is worn or if any is allowed. Blends intimacy and rule-based play.

A fetish centered on specific uniforms, such as military, police, or work attire. It often ties into roleplay fantasies involving authority, service, or specific professions.

An extreme and high-risk form of "sounding." This involves inserting objects into the urethra for pleasure, often using items larger than standard sounds or even a penis tip.

An advanced piece of BDSM furniture made of latex. The user is sealed inside, and a vacuum pump removes the air, encasing the person tightly. It's an extreme form of mummification.

Using a manual or electric pump to create a vacuum seal on a body part, most commonly the penis, balls, or nipples. This draws blood to the area, increasing sensitivity and size temporarily.

Vanillas center emotional connection, sensual touch, and romantic rhythm.

Vanillas center emotional connection, sensual touch, and romantic rhythm.

Using harsh or humiliating language consensually — can lower status or heighten power imbalance.

Degrading or shaming language used consensually to trigger arousal or emotional intensity.

A broad category of play that uses words to create a dynamic. This includes "dirty talk," giving commands ("Yes, Sir"), verbal humiliation, or offering praise. It is a key part of psychological BDSM.

Versatile. The holy grail of the gay dating pool. A Vers guy is comfortable being either a Top or a Bottom, and sometimes even switching within the same encounter (Flip-fucking). It signals flexibility and a willingness to play both roles.

Someone who enjoys both topping and bottoming, switching naturally between roles depending on the partner or moment.

Very Good Looking. A classic personal ad abbreviation. It's a subjective but direct way of stating your perceived level of attractiveness or what you're looking for in a partner.

Discrimination suffered because a person made a complaint or was a witness in another’s complaint.

An appreciation for the aesthetic, style, or content of pornography from previous decades (e.g., 1970s or 80s), often valued for its "raw" or "authentic" feel.

A specific "e-stim" toy that uses a glass wand to conduct a high-voltage, low-amperage current. It creates a "zapping" or "stinging" sensation on the skin and a distinct ozone smell.

Modulating speech, commands, or silence as erotic control. Can include tone-based training.

Voyeurs crave the distance between watcher and scene. They notice what others miss—the tremor, the breath, the pause.

Voyeurs crave the distance between watcher and scene. They notice what others miss—the tremor, the breath, the pause.

Deriving arousal from consensually watching others. This is the "watching" counterpart to exhibitionism and is a common part of group sex or play parties.

Wet-Ass Pussy. A term from a Cardi B song that has been enthusiastically adopted by the queer community. While its origins are heterosexual, its celebration of enthusiastic, unapologetic female sexuality has made it an anthem for many.

A medical device with a rotating wheel of sharp (but not cutting) pins. When rolled across the skin, it creates an intense, "prickly" sensation. It is a common sensation toy.

A form of temperature and sensation play using melted wax from special, low-temperature candles. This creates a mix of heat and light stinging sensations.

A form of temperature and sensation play using melted wax from special, low-temperature candles (never use regular candles). The sensation is a mix of heat and light stinging.

A broad term for impact play using a whip. This can range from "floggers" (many soft tails, creates a "thuddy" sensation) to "single tail" whips (one lash, creates a sharp "stingy" sensation).

Athletic, rugged, and a little wild. Wolves exude confident dominance and primal allure.

Focused attention, admiration, or reverence to a body part, object, or person — feet, boots, muscles, etc.

A submissive who finds erotic charge in worshiping their Dominant, often through ritualized gestures of praise or service.

A form of "primal" play that uses grappling, holds, and physical dominance. It's a way to engage in a power struggle, often ending with one partner "pinning" or restraining the other.

Physical struggle used as erotic foreplay — mixes dominance, tension, and physical contact.

Using markers, lipstick, or other tools to inscribe words or symbols on the body. Can be humiliating, possessive, or ritualistic.

Water Sports. A kink involving urine. This can be anything from urinating on a partner (Golden Shower) to drinking it. It's a common fetish that plays with ideas of taboo and degradation.

Years Old. A simple abbreviation for age, often seen in ASL exchanges or on profiles.

Full-body suits that cover the entire figure in stretchy fabric. Emphasizes anonymity, objectification, or sensory deprivation.